Sex: Why You SHOULD Talk About It

This particular post I'm going to keep (relatively) short and sweet. So, let's talk about it. You know...the things that Christians are NOT supposed to talk because HOW INAPPROPRIATE is that?! Yeah, sex. Now, there's not too much to say about it, but let's start simple. What is sex? Well, if you don't know the answer to that then you shouldn't be on the internet, so there's that. 

Now that we've cleared that much up, we can get down to business. Tonight I was thinking about a particular time that I mentioned sex. No, I wasn't making inappropriate and immature jokes about it. I simply made mention of it. Immediately I was ridiculed by a certain holier than thou individual and scolded for having mentioned such a crude topic. I was absolutely appalled. "Is this some sort of joke?" I remember thinking that exactly. Let me set a few things straight.

1.) Some (but not all) Christians find sex to be a completely inappropriate topic, one of which should never be mentioned in front of someone other than your spouse. FALSE. SO FREAKING FALSE. Let me just say this...if YOU think I am immature for making mention of it then you are the immature one. If you cannot even phathom the thought of sex without thinking about it being crude and/or inappropriate, then you have got one terribly distorted idea of sex. 

2.) Let's say you found a company that sells a product for $100 less and is of better quality than another company that sells the same thing. Wouldn't you want to tell your friends not to buy the product from the more expensive company? Wouldn't you want to save them a little money? If not, then you're a terrible friend...and probably friendless for that matter, so sorry 'boutcha. The same idea goes for sex in a Biblical matter. We, as Christians, are supposed to witness and share the good news. Right?! Guess what? There is more good news than just Jesus saving us! That's the best news, but there's still more to tell! GOD created SEX for HUSBAND and WIFE and you should be telling EVERYONE how awesome it is like that! Don't let them get the product that costs more money and isn't as good. Tell 'em how awesome your sex is and if you have the experience, tell them how much better it is now that you're doing it the right way. 

3.) And for reasons 1 and 2, do NOT shy away from the topic. Be loud and proud, because the One who literally created and came up with sex is always watching you and how rude of you to not brag on Him for that MAGNIFICENT invention. I don't know about you, but I'm all about getting credit for my ideas and sex is one of the best ideas ever, so give it up to the Man upstairs for that. 

I hope that this cracked a few shells for some of you folks out there that are still a little shy about the topic. And for those of you that this may have slightly offended, shame on you! It is so selfish of you to keep the good news to yourself. Don't be such a Modest Molly. Talk about it! You know what I like to say...sometimes, you just gotta say it! 

The Past Is Forgiveness

This post is...well...revealing, honest, and long overdue. Most people that know me or have known me over the past five years will probably immediately recognize the individual that I'll be using as an example. However, for those don't, I will use some level of discrepancy and avoid posting a name. So, for the sake of simplicity, I will call this person "past." Why "past?"  Because that's exactly what she is and I couldn't think of any clever little names to replace hers with. 

This is not a post intended to gossip or out an individual. This is a post about forgiveness. I've written on here about this particular topic, but not only can I not stress it enough, it's something I simply can't get over. I ALWAYS have trouble with forgiveness and writing about it allows me to simultaneously remind myself and encourage myself to just do it!

So, here goes nothing.

It was freshman year. I was a changed "woman." (Lol!) In a nutshell, this means I discovered make up and grew boobs over the summer. It was my first year of high school! How exciting, right?! Older boys, new friends, and just a few months away from getting my permit! Naturally, I experienced what some could accurately call a mild firm of rebellion. Nothing crazy! (No, mom and dad, I did not do drugs, smoke, have sex, OR drink. Don't freak out.) But I DID sneak out of my high school retreat in the middle of night with a group of girls that were high on adrenalin, Red Bull, and Sourpatch Kids. That group was lead by a particular person. Meet "past." I suppose if I'm going to use that word as a proper noun I should capitalize it. Excuse me, meet Past. She was a year older, funny, exciting, and people were simply drawn to her! I mean, she was a sophomore. She was clearly much smarter and wiser than anyone could phathom...duh. After that wild night of playing of tag and running around the woods, most of us woke up feeling somewhat guilty. Next thing we knew we were standing in front of our principal wide eyed and terrified confessing our terrible decision. One day of OSS later, Past and I had become pretty good buddies! What a fast growing friendship! I know...almost too fast to listen to all the people that told me not to hang around her. Almost too fast to blow off every single person that genuinely cared about me. Almost too fast to give everyone the opportunity to tell me they told me so. 

Over the course of this "fast" time, Past and I had become super close. We called each other best friends and we confided in each other. She told me her deepest and darkest secrets and I listened like a best friend should. I remember a specific day like it was yesterday. Every Wednesday our school had what's called chapel day. We took time out of the day to listen to a speaker and pray. This particular day, our teachers had assigned little groups of people that were to pray together. Immediately I remembered the deep and dark secrets and felt so compelled to pray for Past. From what I heard she needed it. Badly. So, I did. As I was praying I felt something I can't quite explain. I felt like there was so much more I should be praying for. "How could there be more?" I thought to myself. I'm sorry, but I'm praying for a girl who says she is beaten by her mother, abandoned by her father, paying tuition through prostitution, suffered a miscarriage from a rape by her stepfather...what else could there possibly be?! I made a big mistake that day. I completely ignored the unexplained feeling. Brushed it off like it was nothing. There is no doubt in my mind today that God was speaking directly to me about her. God Himself was warning me and giving me intuition and I literally said, "No, thanks, God. You're great and all, but I believe her over You." Yeah. Big screw up there, I know. So, I learned the hard way, of course. I did what any best friend would do for a friend in alleged trouble; I told. I told my mom. I told my dad. Naturally, there was some concern for who I was hanging around. Is this person telling the truth? Should we do something? Well, parent intuition is always right. I mean...always!  After a lot of research and an unexpected phone call about the legal troubles she in involving identity theft, we found that my best friend was not the person I thought she was for the last three years. The people she talked about were not real. The things they did were not real. The miscarriage she had was not real. (Mind you, I skipped class to accompany her at the doctor.) Nothing was real. This, of course, came to light after she made fake profiles and phone numbers to speak to me as someone else to get more information. Not to mention the voice changer she used to speak on the phone with people. I'm could go on, but that's probably enough. I was lied to and I was hurt. Ask anyone, I take each relationship I have and I cherish the heck of out it. I value it. I honor it. When I heard that it was nothing but a lie, I was not only devastated, but angry. I said things and did things that shouldn't have been said or done. I sought revenge and let's just say I got it. I thought that was how I would find my satisfaction. Taking down the person who hurt you doesn't give you satisfaction, believe me. It hurts even worse. It brings guilt and resentment upon yourself. It took me about a year to figure that out, but guess what? I did.

I forgave. I didn't forget, but I definitely forgave. And maybe I didn't get the apology I deserved, but I don't need it. As humans, we seek apologies and remorse to feel better. We need to know that the person who hurt us feels awful about it, but you know what works so much better than an apology? Prayer. Believe it. PRAYER. Nothing is more powerful than getting to speak to the Ultimate Counselor directly. This blog post is for the vengeful, hateful, bitter filled people that just cannot get over it. Forgiveness doesn't require an apology, it requires prayer. 

So, as long as I'm giving out fake names, I guess you could say I changed hers. I call her "Forgiveness," "Lesson," and believe it or not, "Blessing." Because when it comes to stubborn people like me, sometimes it takes a trial to build integrity. 

Marriage: Talking You Out of It

The title of this blog may just fool a few people. Don't get me wrong, I'm a happily married woman, but there's something to be said here. If you're engaged or thinking about getting married and afraid that you'll be talked out of it easier than you think then you might not want to read this, but PLEASE DO. So many people have this distorted view of marriage. I like to refer to these people as "fairies" because they like to live in what I also refer to as "fairy tale land." Sorry to disappoint all of you Disney-watching-chick-flick-thriving fairies, but fairy tales are not real. Otherwise they'd be called "real life tales." So, if you're engaged or getting engaged and thinking, "marriage is gonna be so awesome because it's gonna be like dating but better because there's sex and we live together!" EHHHHHHHH! (That was my best typed buzzer impersonation.) Wrong! Next contestant, please. Let me just clarify a few things for you. Here we go.

1.) Let's start with the forbidden and ever uncomfortable topic of sex. Sure, your mom and dad sat you down and explained to you that babies don't actually get dropped off on doorsteps in perfectly woven baskets filled with fresh linens. But did they tell you what to expect and what not to expect when you get married? Maybe they did. But if not, let me enlighten you. We've all seen the steamy scenes in the movie where the girl gets aggressively pushed against a wall and there are candles and rose petals and you can basically smell the passion through the screen. Unfortunately these movies give us an unreal idea of what it's really like. I don't care who you are, what you've done, or how awesome it is to make out with your boyfriend/girlfriend, that movie scene is for fairies. Many people mix up the meaning of sex with how it feels. Those are the ones that are missing out. Have you ever tried to use a pen or pencil as a back scratcher and become incredibly disappointed when it just wouldn't quite reach the spot? But when you use it for it's actual purpose to write with, it works so perfectly! That's a lot like what those people are experiencing through sex. Yes, they're using it, but not for it's purpose. It's not QUITE what it's supposed to be...at all really. 

No, sex will not be hot and steamy and movie worthy probably for a while and no, ladies, your hair will not look like Rose's from Titanic afterwards. So, don't use it and abuse it before you get married and don't expect much from it after you get married. It is what joins you together in HOLY matrimony and makes you one, not what makes you feel like a movie star. 

Though, as my brother-in-law (Josh) likes to say, "Practice makes perfect." (;

2.) Remember earlier when I mentioned how fairies think marriage will be like dating but better? Yeah...LOL!!!!!!!!! We all had that best friend that we just LOVED but when we were together 3 days in a row it started to seem like it'd be more fun to strangle that particular person than to "hang out" with them. Why? Because we spent enough time with them to see the little things that they do that make your pet peeve list grow by the minute. Try living with that person. For EVER. "But, Bron, this is different. I wasn't in love with Suzie. She was just my friend! I'm in LOVE with George! He's just so cute!" Yeah, have you repeatedly picked up "George's" dirty underwear on a daily basis? Have you sat in a giant bowl of water at two in the morning when "George" forgot to put the lid down? Oh, and he forgot to flush too, but it's okay, because he's just SO cute that you're more than happy to swim in his urine in the middle of the night! No, honey, it's not different. He's a human just like you and humans are disgusting. We are filthy, greedy, and thoughtless and most of the time we don't even realize it. It's those little things you must learn to accept and move on from and more importantly (I can't believe I'm gonna say it, but) LOVE. You have to love "George" for the stupid and incredibly obnoxious things he does that make you SO mad you can't even see straight. Until you can, you should not get married.

And...

3.) Are you the kind of person that likes to have that one (or 5) person(s) that you confide in? And by confide I mean vent and trash talk to? I am. 100%. I am the girl that calls my best friend and says, "You won't believe this..." Or, "Just listen to this..." Guilty! That's me. Or was me...don't get me wrong, I still vent to my best friend, but not about my husband. No way, no way! If you are the kind of person that MUST tell someone all about how you feel and that someone can't be the person you're feeling that way about, then kiss marriage goodbye because you're either not ready for it or digging a hole in the one you're currently in. You made a vow. A promise. A lifelong commitment and those weren't just saying, "You're the only person I'll ever sleep with or love." You promised to cherish that person. You promised to confide in THEM. To tell them your secrets. To HONOR them. I don't know about you, but I don't consider someone who trash talks me to "vent" someone that's even trying to honor me. And you may think you just made a little tiny slip up, but how would you feel if I told you that you just broke your wedding vows? BOOM! Mind blown! You did. So, apologize to your significant other and to the "ventee" because you screwed up big time. Also, this shouldn't even need to be said so I won't spend much time on it, but JUST IN CASE...don't go crying to mom and dad with a suitcase when you fight. Why, you ask? Because your mom and dad's little boy/girl and you're gonna go home tomorrow and kiss and make up with your spouse and it's going to be magical...but mom and dad? They won't forgive your spouse as easily as you did because they didn't make any vows to that person. Mom and dad are grudge holders because again...you are their little girl/boy.

Let me make this perfectly clear. This was not a blog about how much I hate marriage and how much it sucks. This was a blog about how much I LOVE marriage and how much of the good weighs out the suckiness if you're doing it right. Marriage is serious. It's not a trial. It's not a game. It's a commitment. It's a struggle. And if you're ready, it's more than worth it. Maybe eventually I'll write about the rewards of it all but right now is not that time. This has been on my heart for good reason. 

So, that being said, unless you are fully ready to wholeheartedly-right-hand-on-a-stack-of-Bibles promise that you will NEVER do any of those things, you have no business even ring shopping so FORGET IT. As for all of you people that are soon to be married, if this blog made you rethink it and talked you out of getting married, GOOD. Because if you can be talked out of it then you're not ready. 

The One: A Letter For A Soulmate Searcher

http://picsmelol.com/15-things-guys-lie-about?pid=102893&utm_source=mylikes&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=ml&utm_term=28677435

The link above is an article all about "things guys ALWAYS lie about to their girlfriends." There are pictures included just in case the boldly titled explanations don't make you paranoid enough. In case you decided not to click on the link, let me delight you. This article suggests that ALL men ALWAYS lie that strippers don't "do anything" for them, they don't visit pornographic websites, they don't think you look fat in that, they love you too, they don't think of your friend like "that," and the list goes on. Articles like this...excuse my language...but really piss me off. (Sorry, readers! There goes .03% of my lady likeness.)

This article suggests that:

1.) All men are the same. 

Correction: Some men are the same. Some are not. If all men were the same, wouldn't finding the love of your life be SO much easier? Women, don't we get frustrated when we are categorized with Slutty Sally and her BFF Cheating Chelsea? Maybe that's just me, but all of both genders are NOT "the same."

2.) Regardless of the foundation of your relationship, your man is lying to you about some of the most hurtful things. Correction: We as women search for a certain individualism in a relationship. I believe Rihanna calls it feeling like the only girl in the world. Though I'm not a fan of her wording, she gets the point across. We search for that man that makes us feel like and tells us there is no one else. Haven't you heard the term, "the one?" There's a reason Hallmark cards don't congratulate readers on finding "one of the ones." No one wants to be one of the ones. We want to be the one. So, of course, being told that your man thinks Cheating Chelsea is a hottie with a body and fantasizes about her isn't exactly the most assuring of statements. 

And 3.) Men are hopeless. Men are men. They will always be men. They will always think the way men think and do the things men do. 

Wrong. Correction: You guys know that phrase, "boys will be boys?" Do you know the difference between a boy and a man? I do. It's not just a level of maturity. It's the fruits of the spirit. It's the mind set. So, maybe boys are hopeless. Maybe boys are boys and boys will always be boys. Maybe so. But a man? Well, he has a little thing called self control (which is a fruit of the spirit, see how that works?) He doesn't fantasize about Cheating Chelsea. He might catch himself looking and but he quickly distracts himself because of his self control. 

This article nearly excuses this behavior simply because of gender. Aaron and I went through premarital counseling and we were assigned specific books to read. One of the books I read explained the way that men think and then explained the way that your future husband should handle this thought process. We know men are visual and we are well aware of why they like it when we wear that specific red dress. (He doesn't care what color it is, ladies...we know that. 😉) This book explained that to me in a way that terrified at me at first. I came into premarital counseling freaking out that Aaron was checking out every single woman that walked by. Luckily, we had a terrific premarital counselor who just so happened to understand the male thought process (since he is, in fact, male) and he managed to calm me down. I learned that men can distract themselves and that this thought process isn't some kind of pleasure, it's a struggle. It's part of their fallen nature. (Thanks a lot, Adam and Eve. 😒) 

So, to whoever wrote this article, no. Men do not ALWAYS lie about these things to their significant others. There are those that do and those that don't. Men are not hopeless and do not have this hidden agenda of infidelity. They are visual beings that struggle every single day. And to the men that used to be boys and are now men, thank you. Thank you for not being hopeless. Thank you for no longer being boys. And thank you for being living proof that this stereotypical article is false. 

Just Saying: A Post of Brutal Honesty

So, I've been absent for the last few days and with good reason. I've been dealing with a few situations that needed to be handled and are almost completely underway (thank God.) That being said, I feel as though I owe a good post. Over the last few days I've had a little bit of time to think about what I should post next. I came up with quite a list of all the things I feel I should share but haven't had the guts to share quite yet...that being said, I won't be sharing any of those things today (sorry!) Instead, I came across a few things on Facebook that reminded me of just how stupid some people can be. 

And I say "stupid" for lack of a better word...unintelligent? Uneducated? Thoughtless? Let's not beat around the bush here...STUPID. So, I'm going to make a list of things that need to be said because like I say, sometimes...you just gotta say it.

So, starting us off at number one...

1.) This is for all of those girls (and boys) that post half naked pictures of themselves on the internet. Stop. For the love of God, STOP. If you feel the need to continue this horrendous act then caption them appropriately. Be honest and replace your "going to bed! Good night, world!" with a more fitting " Just wanted EVERYONE and their brothers to see how good I look with this filter!" We know you don't curl your hair and put on makeup before bed. Heidi Klum doesn't even do that. 

2.) For those of you posting about needing to find "romance" and looking for "that one guy/girl that you can take care of and will take care of you," you're not going to find it at Zan or Bubbles or any other cliche named night club. There's a reason those places are called night clubs and it's because most people that are there wouldn't be doing what they're doing in broad daylight...because it's shameful and embarrassing. Romance is something you find in a healthy marriage and a healthy marriage is something that is God centered and believe me, God doesn't send you to room filled with alcohol dressed in black mesh to find it. If you're desperate enough to complain about it on Facebook, then start looking in the right places.

3.) There are good things that come with good relationships. There are a TON of GREAT things in fact. But get your priorities straight. If you want a spouse that will work out with you, that's great. If you want a spouse that'll watch football with you, that's great! All of these things are just...GREAT! But what's amazing, rewarding, and completely unexplainable? A spouse that prays with you and for you. The correct phrase is, "Couples who pray together stay together." Not "Couples who work out/watch football/do whatever else it is you find entertaining with you stay together." Again, "Couples who pray together STAY TOGETHER." It even rhymes! See how that works out? 

4.) Oh, the issue of mirror pictures. If you're not familiar with what a mirror picture is then let me explain it...it is a picture of someone who is holding a camera in the mirror to take a picture of their reflection. It's actually quite innovative. We are ALL guilty of the mirror picture whether we're sending outfit or hair approval to the "bestie" or simply just checking ourselves out. This may surprise you, but here's what I think about mirror pictures. If you're wearing a sufficient amount of clothing and your pose doesn't involve showcasing certain "assets," then GO FOR IT. Get that mirror picture, boys and girls, because that outfit looks dang good on you and everyone should know it. So, get it, Facebook, just get it. 

And lastly, but certainly not least...

5.) Represent. Whatever it is you're saying or doing, represent it with consistency. This simply means that the people who are posting, "I love church, Jesus, and everything else that resembles some form of holiness" one day and "Getting totes wasted tonight" the next are probably not the most consistent people ever. People read those posts and yes, they think the same thing I'm saying right now. Let me put it in perspective, because you know who you are...when I scroll through my feed and see posts like that, I think, "Wait, what church does that person go to?" "What makes them think that's okay?@ "Couldn't they have at least decided to delete the previous post before making this one?" Yeah, no one is thinking, "Man, I'm jealous! I want to get totes wasted after church!" No one. 

And so I'll end my rant with this...no one is perfect, I know. No one should be judging you, I know. But guess what? Jesus can read Facebook too. Just saying. 

Get Over It

Today I have the subject of forgiveness on my heart. This is going to be a very personal post. So, if you feel like you already know too much about me then don't continue because I don't generally share this information so easily. 

Recently, someone asked me a question. They asked me this particular question because this person knew I had experience with the way she was feeling. She asked me how to "get over" the resentment and jealousy caused from the person she loved having made a mistake in his past and that mistake resulting in his not being a virgin. My initial reaction to this question was...well, resentment and jealousy. Why would someone bring up such a sensitive topic and expect me to lay it on the table for them? As I say there pondering what to say and trying to control my feelings, I remembered something I was told my sophomore year when I, too, had a question similar to this; "forgive them and get over it."

Forgiveness has never come easily to me. I'm a grudge holder by nature and it's something I struggle with. However, there comes a time (and then there comes other times) where you either have to learn to get over it or learn to live with your consequence of living with resentment. So, I had to ask myself some questions and come to a few realizations...this person made a big mistake. They know it was a BIG mistake. They have practically begged forgiveness. They have ALREADY been forgiven by someone a lot more important than me (God) and they are still begging. So, just because they made this mistake, does that mean they don't deserve to be forgiven by someone who hasn't made that particular mistake? Does this mean they automatically deserve to marry someone who has made the same mistake? And then I realized that if I wasn't the one to forgive, then someone else would and I'd be walking down the street 10 years later passing this forgiven man who is hand in hand with the woman who was strong enough to forgive him. And I wanted to be that woman. 

So, though it may have taken me a little longer than usual, I finally came to my conclusion and was able to give this girl her answer. Simply put, I told her she needed to forgive him so he can forgive himself, get over it, and never bring it up again because how can he try to forgive himself and forget what happened if you won't let him? I do realize this is easier said than done, but don't be the person that misses out on a lifetime with someone who could be your soulmate just because you're a grudge holder. If you never settle for less than perfect, you'll always be alone, because NO ONE is perfect. So, get over it. 

Pretending to "Need"

Today is Sunday...what does this mean for you? Church? Sleep? Housecleaning? For me, it means going to church then to my Mom and Dad's house for some family time. Unfortunately, for Aaron, he works on Sundays in the afternoon and evening. However, he always manages to find the time to squeeze some football in there. Call me lame, call me a bad wife, call me whatever you want to, but I have tried SO hard to comprehend football and I just can't do it. Most people have heard my opinion on football and though I find it fairly accurate, I won't post it in order to avoid offending anyone. 

Though I don't understand the rules of football and lack the desire to, there is one thing I completely understand that some wives do not. That would be my husband's love and understanding of the sport and his "need" for it. We all have "needs." I "need" to go to the mall every now and then. I "need" a chai latte from Starbucks every now and then. I "need" to watch an episode of Desperate Housewives every week. When I am fulfilling these "needs," guess who is right next to me searching for a chair to sit in in every store I walk into, pulling out his wallet at Starbucks and choking on the smell of coffee, and sitting on the couch pretending like he cares about the dramatic lives on Wisteria Lane? My husband who loves me enough to pretend to "need" these things like I do.

So, when you're sitting in your living room today wondering why the man you love is so captivated by a team of men wearing tight pants and tackling each other, remember his "needs" and compare them to yours. Oh, and also...pretend to "need" it too. 

Summer 2013: From High School to Housework

          After dating for more than a year and a half, Aaron and I decided that we wanted to do something crazy. Something so crazy that only two people who are madly in love could ever make work; we decided to get married.  Normally, this is something that most madly in love couples who've been together for a while would think isn't so crazy. Ready for the crazy part? We were just about to start our senior year...in high school! Oh, the doubt, gossip, and ridicule..."Is she pregnant?" "How far along is she?" "Will it last?" Yes, folks, we heard it all. 

          Planning a wedding is fun and all, but when you're 17 years old bridal boutiques and vendors tend to not take you quite as seriously as the 25 year old with a college degree and three carat engagement ring.  With the shock of hearing that a 17 year old is planning her wedding comes a facial expression that must have been known city wide.  It looks something like the face of someone who has just been informed that pigs really can fly. Don't even get me started on the hundreds of questions I was asked about if I was "sure" I wanted to get married right after I graduated as if I hadn't given it enough thought to be buying a wedding dress or paying for a cake.  It is one thing to be doubted by a vendor or store owner, but it is quite another to be doubted by family.  Though I was missing two important people on one of the most important days of my life, I still had enough love and support to supply my marriage for a lifetime.

          Despite the facial expressions and the annoying questions, I never had one single doubt about getting married when we'd planned to.  We put an extreme amount of thought and prayer into the timing and I wouldn't change a thing.  The questions and looks did, however, give me a realization.  We tend to put an age limit on things.  Though I fully support most of them, (i.e. drinking limit, getting into certain movies, etc.) not everything requires one.  I was not the girl that spent her high school career drinking, partying, and hoping that "one picture" doesn't get around.  I was not the girl that slept around and dated and kissed as many boys as I could.  I was the girl who had a scrapbook full of wedding ideas for every season of the year.  I was the girl who didn't believe in missionary dating, settling for the guy who is "almost a kind of Christian," or letting him stop his habits AFTER agreeing to date him.  I was the girl who didn't do those things and now I'm the girl who is happily married to a hard working man of God.  So, as I sat next to my husband in our peaceful apartment on a Saturday night, I thought to myself, "That's pretty awesome. I want to write about it." And so came...the confessions of a teen aged wife.