Live More & Search Less

For those of you who know me, (and I mean TRULY know ME) you know that I have what some may call...oh, what's the phrase? 

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BABY FEVER.

I'm not talking "I think babies are cute and I want one" baby fever. I'm talking down-right-crazy-person-everyone-looks-at-me-like-I-need-diagnosed-and-prescribed-and-babies-are-not-a-want-but-a-need-and-Aaron-is-so-cute-that-I-need-a-ginger-baby-that-looks-just-like-him BABY FREAKING FEVER. It's dangerous. It's scary. It's expensive. And, OKAY, I'll admit it, Dr. Phil, it's CRAZY. 

So, for me, my baby fever is obviously a lot more than just wanting a baby. Because I don't just want A baby. I want AARON'S baby. This fever became apparent immediately after we started having sex. (On the wedding night for those of you who haven't read previous posts. Yes, this is something I'm open about. Call me an open book, blah, blah, blah, whatever.) Needless to say, Aaron was a little bit freaked. "Whoa, a baby? Like...as in a tiny human that we create? No. No way. Too soon." Well, ladies and gents, after many a conversation...and begging...and pleading...I had him convinced to start trying after our one year anniversary...which is two years quicker than he'd originally wanted. For more information on how I felt, please refer to the picture below.

Yep. I literally felt like Jim Carrey from the cover of his movie "Yes Man." This is an accurate portrayal. So, where is this going, you ask? Well, today I was sitting with my sister-in-law Sarah and we were talking about different places we wanted to visit. There's a specific place in particular that we described as a "child adult vacation" complete with giant water slides that shoot under the water and awesome caves and crazy activities. This is when my realization hit me..."Bron, you can't go on a water slide like that while pregnant...you DEFINITELY can't hold a baby while sliding down a slide like that. WHAT WILL YOU DO?!"

Wah, wah, wahhhhh.

A word came to mind. "Prioritize." Dang it. Must you give me a wake up call, JC? I mean for reals. So, on my drive home it occurred to me that the only prayers I've ever prayed regarding this particular situation were entirely selfish. ENTIRELY. 

"God, please give ME a baby." 

"God, please let this test be positive."

"God, please surprise Aaron and I!"

Not good, Bron, not good.

Instead, I thought to myself, I should be praying for God to give me what I'm supposed to get based on His Will. I should be praying about what to GIVE even, not what to receive. That comes later. I shouldn't even be praying for a baby. I might not ever get one. Though I would be entirely devastated, yes, but really who knows what God's plan is? God. That's it. I have to learn to trust more and ask less. To give more and expect less. To live more and search less. To pray more and beg less. 

What a lesson, folks. I'd like to take credit for it, but it's all JC. 

So, I guess you could say Aaron was relieved when I told him of my surrender. We've decided to focus on what we have instead of we might add. 

That being said, water slides, here I come. 

W/<3,

Bron R.B.