Plan B; The Journey to Eden

Man, oh, man, has it been a LONG time. Almost a year on the dot. My last blog entry was on June 30, 2016 and was titled "Words from an Empty Womb." 

We had just suffered our third miscarriage and were trying our hardest to stay hopeful. Thankfully, we did. Let's recap for those of you just tuning in.

-3 years of trying to conceive with no pregnancies.

-Discovered my husband needed a corrective surgery in order for us to conceive.

-He got that surgery done and we became fertile!!! 🙀

-We conceived on the first try after surgery and lost the pregnancy before 6 weeks.

-We conceived the next month and lost that pregnancy at 6 weeks.

-We decided to prevent, but failed and conceived again and lost that pregnancy at 7 weeks, but discovered the baby had died at 10 weeks.

During our third pregnancy, the ultrasound technician that we saw so often noticed that I had what she thought to be a wall in my uterus causing a division. She sent the photos to my doctor and she confirmed that I had a septate uterus and that a full term pregnancy was going to be difficult if not impossible without a surgery to correct it.

Seriously? We both have to have surgery to start a family?

She recommended preventing any further pregnancies and getting an MRI done to see the extent of the uterine wall. Afterwards, she would refer me to a surgeon in Kansas City to repair it. I felt so defeated and confused. We were trusting God wholeheartedly through this whole journey. At what point are we not truly trusting Him anymore and taking matters into our own hands?

Was this a testament to what little faith I truly had? Was I just kidding myself this whole time? How many times was He going to allow this to happen until we could have a family? 

The more I thought about it, the more confused I got. I allowed my vision to be blurred by my worry. I let my entire life revolve around my cycle, babies, the future, and all sorts of other things that were out of my hands.

Finally. I had to tell myself to get a grip. I tried as hard as I could to let it go and just try to focus on all the other things going on in life; my sister in law and I were opening our own salon so I had the perfect distraction. We sold our house, moved, and I left the salon I was working at. I was finally distracted. When I started to think about things again I realized I needed to look into making these appointments. That's when I realized something HUGE that changed things.

I was trusting God, right? I was telling everyone that's what I was doing at least. Every single time we lost another baby I told people it was in God's hands and that we were continuing to trust Him. So, I was allowing our story to be a testimony.

If I go through with this and get this surgery and do all these tests, who is going to get the glory?

My doctors? Probably...my heart was so torn. I knew that medical professionals were put here to help us and that they serve an incredible purpose! But there was something that was delivering a conviction about it for me. Making these appointments didn't feel right. It didn't feel like it was part of our story. So, I didn't! Instead, I waited and we diligently prevented any further pregnancies.

Meanwhile, my mother in law had sent an invitation to my sisters in law and myself to attend a women's retreat through her church. It seemed like it would be a fun getaway with family so I jumped at the opportunity. I was told the speaker there was to die for! Her name was Dawn Barclay Randolph and her father was very well known and loved through the church.

Let me just preface by saying this...At this point in time, I am not an "altar Christian."

You know.

The Christians that are ALWAYS at the altar worshiping, crying, praying. I had nothing against those people! But it was a form of vulnerability that I wasn't comfortable with yet. I felt as though my going up there would tell everyone that I had a problem...ironic, really, considering how open I'd been about the issues we were going through.

So, I attend this retreat and the speaker was ON FIRE. I mean, I couldn't get enough. 

The Word was SO good that...at the end of the retreat, there was an altar call.

Guess who was up there? EVERYONE. I am not exaggerating when I say that every single person in that room went up to pray and be prayed for.

At this point I started to get a little nervous.

Okay...she's going to pray for me...outloud...and everyone will hear...

I could go sit back down! It's not too late. But I knew I needed to be up there. I was FINALLY there! AT THE ALTAR! Breathe. Stay. It's going to be okay.

She made her way over to me and just started praying. She prayed for my relationships to be strengthened and for me to be an anointed wife. And then...things got a little weird...a little personal.

She started saying things like, "I don't know what it is, but God is telling me to tell you to 'get ready.' He's going to do this thing for you that you've been asking for. I don't know what it is, but He's saying 'get ready'!"

She continued to pray. She stopped.

She looked at me and said, "Are you and your husband believing for a baby?"

I was totally speechless. I did not know this woman. She has never met me nor spoken to me in my entire life. Someone else had to answer for me because I could not form a sentence. One of the pastors from the church who knew our story told her yes and that we'd had three miscarriages.

Dawn nodded and understood. She told me that she'd had four miscarriages and was told she wouldn't be able to have children at all and that she did anyways! She knew our pain and what it felt like to go through what we'd been experiencing. 

This pain is so indescribable. I wouldn't wish it on anyone and truly, unless you've experienced it yourself, you can't know.

Now that she knew exactly what she was praying for, she prayed for healing over me. She cursed "whatever it is that is causing this" (as she said, remember, she did not know our details, only what God had told her) at the root and spoke a healthy pregnancy over me. Every woman in that room joined in to pray for us. It was incredible. I had never felt the presence of the Lord like I did then.

Afterwards she yelled to my mother in law, "You're having another grandbaby!"

So many people were congratulating me already as if I'd just had a baby right then and there! These women really believed this for me! It was the ultimate encouragement. 

After leaving the retreat, Aaron and I decided that we wouldn't prevent like we had been. We would just let it go and ACTUALLY leave things in God's hands. 

But then Satan started speaking to me. My mind was being attacked again and I began to worry about the possibility of getting pregnant and losing another baby.

I thought things like

Did she really say that? Am I just being too hopeful? Did I just hear what I wanted to hear?

I confided in my mother in law about it, whom we were living with after just selling our house. I told her that I felt like I couldn't really remember the things Dawn said to me. She told me that she had just spoken with someone at the church and that the altar calls were accidentally recorded! She had mentioned to my mother in law that she was going to send the recording to me so I could listen to it.

I was so excited! God had sent yet another reminder that He was in control. I received the recording and listened to it daily. I cried every time I heard it. It was so powerful. I noticed things she had said that I never realized. Dawn said to me during prayer that when I started to feel doubt, I needed to claim my body and tell it to line up with the Word. Yet another reminder that God knew I would be doubting and He'd prepared me for this.

Fast forward about 4-6 weeks, I had just gotten back from a business trip in San Diego.  I started to feel...different. Anyone who knows me knows that I am VERY in tune with my body. If something is going on, I can tell usually pretty quick and get things figured out. I told Aaron that I felt different and we just kind of blew it off. He said he was going to go shower and I had decided in my head that I was going to take a pregnancy test in the other bathroom while he did that.  My cycle wasn't due for at least 4 more days, but I was going to take one anyways.  He went to take a shower and I took the test, set it on the sink and walked away.  I started to talk myself down.

It's probably negative.

Even if you are pregnant, it might not show up yet.

You were just in San Diego and more than likely ovulating while you were there, so it probably didn't happen.

WRONG.

I came back to two pink lines and my heart pounding out of my chest. I couldn't believe my eyes.

I rushed to the other bathroom.

"Aaron. Guess what."

"What?"

"I am FREAKING pregnant."

"Really?!"

That was our exact conversation.

I told him I was freaking out, needed prayer, and was going to go downstairs to find his parents and have them pray with me. So I did just that!

Aaron and I made the decision to keep the pregnancy a secret from family until we knew the gender, FaceBook until the baby was born, and church until 20 weeks.

I wish I could tell you that the whole pregnancy was a mental breeze and my mind was settled the entire time, but that's not true. My mind was attacked several times throughout the pregnancy and I was constantly listening to the recording of Dawn. Thank God for that recording.

I went to SO MANY ultrasounds. 

I went back to the same technician who found the wall in my uterus...would you believe it if I told you it was gone?

Just gone.

You can call it whatever you'd like but I like to call it a miracle.

Here's the deal. My entire life I have had a plan. 

Plan A.

But God always had a Plan B for me.
From when I got married to where we lived to starting a family and a career.

None of those things were my Plan A. Plan B isn't always the smoothest road, but a lot of times it's the one we are suppose to travel. Had I continued down Plan A's road, I wouldn't be looking at the sweetest little face thinking how in the world I get to be this little girl's mom and Aaron gets to be her dad. 

I truly believe we were given this story as a testimony and that we are suppose to TALK about it and TELL people what GOD did. My doctors and their staff have been incredible and I am so blessed to have them, but when they met Eden Opal they didn't call her a medicine baby or a science baby...

They called her a miracle baby.